im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
