Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
