they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
