What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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