The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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