:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
