I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
