you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Actions speak louder than pants.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
