Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
