We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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