he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
