Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
