garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
