I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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