Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
