And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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