West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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