I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
