are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
