i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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