we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
