so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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