Your dad touched me again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
