i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
