Whoa Z and x make the same sound
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
