Apparently you make a good broom.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
