lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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