Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
