Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
