Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
