Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
