Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
