he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
