Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
