super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
