That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
