At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
