Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
