1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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