My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
