If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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