the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
