I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
