just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
