I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
