YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
