not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
