Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
