Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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