This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
