sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
