So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I won't apologize to a one balled man
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
